Sometimes I don't know how to interpret the things I see. Or feel. Most times, I just file everything in the 'what are you gonna do!' section and refer back to it later. I suppose every moment of one's life is relevant - at one point or another.
Do you ever wish to know the day that you will actually leave this Earth? If you could know the day you were going to die, would you want to? Would your life be different?
Although it wasn't the first time I saw "Selena," movie based on the life of the late Tejano singer, today it affected me differently. I'm not sure why it did. I just know it did. It was one of those moments when information from the 'what are you gonna do!' file became relevant.
Selena was 23 years old when she was killed in 1995 by someone she believed to be her friend. She was twenty-three. I was 13 when Selena's died and believed I was immortal. By March 1995, I attended 5 funerals for "friends" that had been killed either in stolen car chases or by gunfire. But even still, I believed in order to die or be killed you had to be old or involved in unsavory/illegel things. Hell yeah, I was dumb.
Today, I know better. Maybe it was the loss of my 11-year-old godbrother in November 2003 that finally made me see. Or the health issues I've been dealing with the last year. Or all the people who have passed on...
I just know that watching the ending of that movie, I felt a surge of feelings that were unfamiliar. And that's a lot coming from an emotional person. I can't quite explain... I don't know if I really can. I just know that perhaps we should do more with our lives than we are doing.
How are we supposed to know what to do with the time we have if we don't know how much time we are given? I wish I knew. But I'm gathering if I did know I'd probably file it in the "what are you gonna do!" file?